The Most Encouraging Verse for Moms

I had been asked to speak at a dear friend’s baby shower. To share something devotional-ish about motherhood. As I was lying in bed this morning, hiding under the covers attempting to outlast the interest of Nerf-gun terrorists, I began to reflect on this broad and important topic. Mostly, how did I get here?! Unwashed hair in a messy bun, eyeliner smudged under my eyes from the last time I wore makeup (which I will not own up to because then you will also know how long it had been since my last shower), and wearing every mom’s favorite go-to: yoga pants. (Lord, bless the inventor of yoga pants and the stylish mom who gave us permission to wear them regardless of activity.)

I’m beginning to feel nostalgic, still tucked out of sight, picking dirt out from under my short, unpolished nails. Remember when I used to get my nails done? Remember when staying up too late didn’t matter and sleeping-in by definition meant later than 8am? Remember when silence went unnoticed, when it wasn’t a sound that sent me rushing to search out danger? Remember my pre-kids body? My body has changed in places and ways I could not have imagined. There is an entirely new topography to the map of this body. Ridges and canyons, peaks and valleys stretching across landscapes that were at one time almost picturesque.

But maybe the transition from before I was a mom to now is just too great a contrast to present. I’ve certainly witnessed less physical changes just over the last ten years of raising four kids. Our eldest was the most scheduled baby to toddle the planet. Our entire lives revolved around The Schedule! Now, It’s hard enough to make sure our youngest even naps consistently. Our elder son was always dressed in something adorable, that sometimes even coordinated with what his big sister was wearing. I distinctly remember judging the hippy parents that let their kids out of the house in costumes not clothes. Then I had our younger daughter. I don’t think there has been a single day of her life since she was old enough to dress herself that she was not concocting a creative new fashion. The girl crafts outfits, not just daily, but according to event throughout the day. Kindergarten? Check. Ballerina tea party? Done. Frozen themed karaoke with stuffed animals? Nailed it.

Even my prayers about parenthood have changed. They started out high and pious, “Lord, that by your strength, you would help me to be an amazing parent.” To, “Lord, that I wouldn’t mess up my kids too badly.” To, “Oh please Lord, let them not be damaged beyond what a good counselor can fix.” I love how Jennie Allen jokes about this transition with her own kids by saying, “We don’t save for college, we save for counseling.”

I’m not trying to say this is everyone’s experience. I have friends that have parented effectively and more consistently than not from the moment they held their first little in their arms. I’ve decided that maybe parenting isn’t one of my spiritual gifts. (I’m joking, it’s definitely not one of my gifts.) However, I would like to use this opportunity to share a favorite story in scripture that has been especially precious to me on my parenting journey.

Now his parents went to Jerusalem every year at the Feast of the Passover. And when he was twelve years old, they went up according to custom. And when the feast was ended, as they were returning, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem. His parents did not know it, but supposing him to be in the group they went a day’s journey, but then they began to search for him among their relatives and acquaintances, and when they did not find him, they returned to Jerusalem, searching for him. (Luke 2:41-45 ESV)

First off, how would you feel if one of your worst days as a mom was recorded for all of time for generations across the world to read? I mean, it’s not like Mary was being grossly negligent. These pilgrimages were made in huge caravans of families, hundreds of people, so it would be easy to assume Jesus was somewhere among their relatives. Still, tough break, Mary! Second, even on my worst day I take comfort knowing that I have not lost a kid yet! Yes, I am giving you permission to join me in setting the bar THAT low. I am currently 4 for 4 on not losing a single kid today: winning!

After three days they found him in the temple, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. And all who heard him were amazed at his understanding and his answers. And when his parents saw him, they were astonished. And his mother said to him, “Son, why have you treated us so? Behold, your father and I have been searching for you in great distress.” (Luke 2:46-48 ESV)

That’s right, it’s Jesus’ mother who has the first word. His mother, as in the Mary who spoke with an angel, endured the whispers behind her back, gave birth as a virgin, had fled to Egypt and back to protect him when he was a baby. She kind of has the best mom-guilt story EVER. His mother made it clear to Jesus that they had been “in great distress” with him missing for three days. Yes, it would be a teensy weensy bit distressing to have lost your son, the Son of God. Can you even imagine the potential for mommy-guilt over that one?!

And he said to them, “Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” And they did not understand the saying that he spoke to them. And he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them. And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart. (Luke 2:49-51 ESV)

I love that phrase that she “treasured up all these things in her heart.” Even though we see in verse 50 that she “did not understand” him, she treasured her moments with him. This challenges me. Even if I don’t understand my kids: why would Lucy think it’s a good idea to put chocolate syrup on Coco Puffs? How is it possible for Logan to trip over nothing at all? Why must Walter be bent on destruction from the moment he opens his eyes? Why was Emma born with an inner compulsion to push back at everything I say? Even when I don’t understand them, I still have the opportunity to take a step back and treasure them.

I remind myself that early motherhood is only a crazy season. Actually, my baby will be three in a couple months, so the season of little littles in my daily life is quickly coming to a close. I have been looking forward to this upcoming toddler-less season for a decade–since I had toddlers, really. And yet, I know I will spend the rest of my life turning over the treasures of this present-past in my heart. Friends, let’s take the time to be intentional about gathering treasure in this season. I know there were jewels I missed out on because I was so caught up with surviving I stopped looking. Beth Moore hits the nail on the head describing this season when she says, “the years are short, but the days are looooooong.” Let’s commit to spending our time hunting for heart-treasure beneath the mess of toys and diapers, mountains of laundry and unwashed dishes. Let’s especially work to treasure those not-so-perfect jewels that are formed in the midst of chaos.

I think the next verse, that closes out this section of scripture and wraps up Jesus’ childhood, is the single most encouraging verse for moms in all of scripture:

And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man. (Luke 2:52 ESV)

I love this verse because it speaks volumes about what God values most in our kids’ childhoods as much by what it says as what it doesn’t say. Here is what really matters in our parenting: that our kids increase in wisdom, in stature, and in favor with God and man. You know what this verse doesn’t say? What Jesus was fed, where he went to school or if he was homeschooled, whether he played sports, what his childhood friends were like, how old he was when he potty trained, when he started sleeping through the night, or any other of a billion parenting concerns we are tempted to give more importance to than scripture warrants. What would our kids say, by observing how we raise them, are the things we hold as most important? What/who would they say we love most?

As scripture does with so many big, important topics, here are three seemingly small concepts that can have a huge impact on our parenting:

First, Jesus grew in wisdom. The Greek word used here is “sophia.” This isn’t just book-smarts. This fully translates to “the varied knowledge of things human and divine, acquired by acuteness and experience.” We are to foremost be intentional about investing in our kids’ experiences, teaching them about the world around them and the Creator we serve. What an incredible opportunity! As our kids experience new things, which is happening all the time for these new little people, we get to help them see how Jesus would respond if he were them. We choose to make a major focus of our parenting teaching our kids how to interact with the world and with the Lord. This is wisdom.

Second, he grew in stature. If that last point felt daunting in scope, here’s freebie. I looked this up in the original Greek also, and in this situation stature just means height. Jesus grew. Our kids will grow. Maybe the biggest parenting challenge here is our acceptance of this unavoidable, inevitable fact. Our time is limited. They will outgrow childhood. We will not always have the influence over them that we do when they’re little. Now is the time to train up our children in the way they should go as they grow.

Finally, Jesus grew in favor with God and man. On first reading, this sounded like Jesus was popular. (Did I just discover the theology of popularity?!) I was surprised to find, however, this is actually a translation of a Greek word which may be familiar: “charis”. Grace. Jesus grew in grace with God and man. This is a broad sense of favor: goodwill and loving-kindness to his fellow man and toward his Father. Grace can be tricky because it is caught more than taught.

It is impossible to truly teach grace only conceptually. I can tell my kids that they are supposed to love the people around them because God says-so. That they need to stop bickering with each other and to be loving because the Bible says-so. Or, I can demonstrate my love by my commitment to extend grace to my kids; these tiny people God has placed closest to me in my life. One way Mike and I teach this is by telling our kids when we’re having grace with them, “Your actions have earned you a consequence, but I am going to have grace with you right now…” This only seriously backfired once. When Emma (& if you’ve met my eldest daughter you know it would, of course, be her) was little she had been sent to her room to await punishment (because we needed the time to figure out how to creatively deal with this adult-like toddler) and she sobbed the whole way, stomping to her room and screaming, “Can’t you just have GRACE with me?!” Well played, child.

Another word of caution: kids are gifted with sniffing out our hypocrisy. We can’t tell them to show favor, goodwill or loving kindness to each other and then refuse to extend the same grace to them. Or to our spouse…

What do these three points have in common? Ultimately, what is most important? We are to build our parenting-foundation on Jesus, leading our kids into living life in his kingdom. We accomplish this through presenting them with concrete examples in our own lives that demonstrate our personal commitment to this way of life. To show them what we love, not just tell them. My friends, may we grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior, and may this lifestyle look appealing. We have the opportunity to model true wisdom and grace as they grow; to model kingdom living, the best life we have access to now, through Jesus.