Heaven

Disclaimer: This is my daydreaming, not a vision or prophecy or even an intellectual assertion on what to expect after death. This is a little girl dreaming about her wedding, a child wondering what they’ll be when they grow up, a kid on Christmas shaking the pretty package to discern the contents…

 

The moment I catch sight of Him, the Him Himself, I break into an all-out run. My eyes burn and sting in the radiant light, blurred by hot tears streaking down my cheeks. I’ve run my whole life for this moment. I push harder, feeling stronger, faster. The strain of the sprint is increasingly effortless the nearer I approach.

Suddenly I’m before Him, and I can’t bring myself to look him full in that wondrous face. It’s just too much; He is too much. Instead I collapse in a heap at His feet. And I weep as I have never wept before. The ugliest of my ugly cries, “Oh Lord, the things I’ve seen! All the things I did. The things I didn’t do! The things I thought. The seasons I endured and questioned if You were really here at all, or if You cared. How did I survive? How could anyone survive that place?!”

My favorite memories of the beautiful times float at the edges of my consciousness, but even in my short (or has it been long? or is it just right?) presence here they are foggy and murky, dim in comparison to this new place.

The volumes I would have to write to get this moment right…

My whole frame shakes under the soul wrenching wailing, relief and regret flow mingled down my face and drip onto still pierced feet. He brought me here, He redeemed me. The thought is as absurd as it is wonderful.

In my sobbing I’m aware of something slipping off my head I had not been previously aware of. My crying slows to a pathetic snivel. There’s a crown lying haphazardly at his feet. An intricate and delicate circlet of three grapevines woven together, gleaming gold with grape sized jewels twinkling between the leaves. Oh good, I’ve done something right. That belongs at His feet. I’m so thankful I have something to offer.

His hand reaches for the diadem. I am undone. I decide I will spend eternity in this moment watching that perfectly pierced hand reach for that beautiful crown. As He leans forward I notice the extravagant crown He’s wearing. My gift is paltry and insignificant in comparison, I feel ashamed.

On impulse I lunge out and cling to Him nearly knocking Him into the back of His seat. I’m crying into His shoulder earnestly wishing I had done more, that I had considered this moment more. So very aware though that there was nothing I could have done to deserve the beauty of all this.

I sigh and my senses are filled with the scent of Him. It is a sweet, indescribable fragrance which initiates a bubbling deep within. In spite of my momentary regret there is an emotion so fierce beginning to boil within me I hesitate to even consider it joy. It is searing, nearly painful but with overwhelming ecstasy that is flooding. I grip Him in an embrace with no intention of ever leaving this perfection.

I hear laughter in the distance, not mocking but gleeful. My eyes pop open and over His shoulder I see we are surrounded by a great group of people. I excitedly realize I know some of the faces in the crowd. Even those I don’t recognize look back at me with a knowing in their gaze and the smiling familiarity of family.

I still refuse to let go.

He speaks my name and I fear I will actually burst into flame at the sound of it.

Surely this is not death for nothing has ever compared to this life! What came before was death, there is no shadow of death here with Him.

He slowly, tenderly releases my life-grip on Him and holds me out at arm’s length: a father getting a better look at his newly returned prodigal. The insecurity threatens to return, I feel vulnerable and exposed in such proximity to perfection. My gaze remains lowered.

He reaches out and lifts up my chin. His eyes blazing, corners crinkled in a smile, looks me full in the face.

Every fiber of my being responds instantaneously to the joyous, passionate electricity, I gasp, “JESUS!”

I know that my redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand on the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; I myself will see him with my own eyes– I, and not another. How my heart yearns within me!                 Job 19:25-27

Have you ever thought about what comes after death? I would love to know how you imagine it! Feel free to link up to anything you’ve written on the topic.