I Didn’t Save the World by 30

Six months ago I was in Austin, Texas attending IF:Gathering. I should have written this post then, while all my memories were still crisp and not wilting at the edges. I could have better shown you the faces of the inspiring women I encountered, the mountaintop moments of worship, even the solace of sipping a local (to me) glass of wine at lunch downtown that made me feel at home. I would have better described the buzzing sensation of being filled to capacity with more hope than I could ever hope to process in a single weekend. I would still remember all the little details of my days. I could have given you a to-the-minute trip report.

But I didn’t write six months ago because of my rock-word.

Let me explain. Over the course of the weekend we had heard from many women sharing all manner of beautiful stories, but the central story of Joshua ran throughout. Joshua, who led God’s people into the Promised Land. I remember trying to put myself in Jennie Allen’s shoes as she was giving the closing address. How do you wrap something like IF up into a neat package? It’s a gift that keeps growing and tearing out of the wrapping. She admitted to us that until only a week or so prior she had no idea what she was going to say. And then God gave her an idea.

Under each of our chairs was a river rock the size of my outstretched palm and a black Sharpie. Jennie shared from Joshua 4 where the Lord instructs Joshua to have the heads of the tribes take stones from the dry riverbed of the Jordan, which God had parted for them to cross. They are to then use the stones to erect a memorial to what the Lord had done. We were then instructed to ask God for our word that He wanted us to remember, write it on our stone, and to add it to a memorial in front of the stage. This provided a powerful picture of what the Lord had done; of what He was doing.

Skeptical Sally that I am, I sat in my seat appreciative of the sentiment, but wary of the drama. Obediently, I closed my eyes and asked God for a word. Actually, I told Him what I thought my word should be based off of a verse that I had stuck in my head. Choosing a verse felt much safer than opening myself up to an experience I felt probably fueled by emotionalism.

KNOCK.

My eyes popped open and I stared in shock. I got a word. Literally. That was unexpected.

As if trying to convince me of its legitimacy, my mind immediately played a conversation from dinner the prior evening: “You have not because you ask not.” “I know it’s hard, but sometimes you have to just jiggle some handles.”

KNOCK.

The word was full of hope; permeated with promise.

I cried in front of people. A super weird experience for me. I wrote the word (specifically in all the capitals I felt) on the rock. I felt the weight and heft of it. I worried my sweating palms would smear it as I walked to drop my stone on the pile in front of the stage.

I wanted to write about it then, six months ago, but what good is a story without a happy ending? I wanted to wait until I could tell you, “Look what the Lord did! He told me to KNOCK and He answered and everything is coming true!” So I’ve been waiting and working. I’ve been putting myself out there more than feels totally comfortable. I’ve been watching for my moment.

Today, six months later, I’m sitting in Panera. It’s my 31^st birthday.

I figured I had the whole year to make it happen.

But, it is now official: I didn’t save the world by 30.

Oh well. Neither did Jesus. He did save the world at thirty-three, though, so thankfully I can take that off my plate.

I wanted to share this story now because I’ve realized that a story is not a good story based on its final destination. A story is a good story if you can try it on and walk in it for miles. KNOCK calls me to a lifestyle of worthy risk and persevering hope. Every instance of the word in the New Testament (because you better believe I needed to do some research on my word), has to do with either the door being opened or a call to keep knocking until it is answered. I think the truth may finally be working its way into my heart: Seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness and all this will be added to you. I just wanted you to know I’m going to keep knocking. I wanted to make sure that you know your story’s value isn’t just in where God is taking you, but who He’s shaping you to be as He takes you there. Keep knocking, friend.

I don’t want to waste my life waiting to be discovered. I want to spend my life discovering: more of God, more of the world around me, and more of how He’s forming me to serve Him.

KNOCK.