One Year Blogiversary!

It’s my blogiversary! That is, if you’re reading this and it’s still September 27th and I was miraculously able to bust out this post before midnight. I actually thought it was tomorrow, but after a stop to my dusty old Blogger site I realized I had messed up the date when I transitioned here. Either way I was going to procrastinate so it doesn’t really matter.

A year ago I attempted to do something brave (for me anyway) and clicked “Publish” on this post. Then I went into the bathroom and dry heaved in anxiety while my husband embarrassingly and shamelessly plugged my feat all over the internet. I remember watching my stats with awe and wonder as people began to show up, little orange dots speckling across the map where my closest friends and family lived.

I’ve been reflecting on what this year has taught me.

First and foremost, I committed to and accomplished doing something consistently for a whole YEAR. If that isn’t the Lord Himself moving in my life I don’t know what is. Can I just confide in you that though it has been scary every single time it has also gotten easier? My hands still shake when I send my words out into the void, but, after praying a blessing for the Lord to bring them where He intends, I don’t feel like I’m going to pass out from anxiety anymore.

I learned that comparison and jealously lead to an emotional wasteland littered with the dry bones of those who never found their way out. Through a lot of prayer, I discovered the way out of that depressing, desolate place is with the help of a community of fellow sojourners who are committed to encourage, support, and guide each other through.

I had no idea that as I sat feeling isolated and vulnerable each time that work was in progress. My most popular post was tweeted by Jon Acuff, the author who inspired me through his writing to punch fear in the face and start a blog. I’m constantly challenged to explore new viewpoints through the lovely people I’m now acquainted with on various forms of social media. I’m now part of a local manuscript group. Next weekend, thanks to the support of my family and the wonderful women I have the privilege of doing Bible study with weekly, I’m attending a writing retreat in Chicago with Redbud Writers Guild.

I’m amazed at where I am today being only a year into this gig. Not because I’m blogger-famous, or even successful by most standards, but because I did not really believe that all my mundane todays would string together to produce a sum greater than their parts. I drive carpool, I do laundry, I watch TV with my husband, I raise four kids, I drink wine with the girls, I read, I study my Bible, pray, and seek to live as a disciple of my Lord, Jesus. And I write a bit. And get sucked into social media more than I ought.

Yet, somehow, all the seemingly insignificant days and moments and melt-downs produced something. Not just something, but something good.

So, what’s next? As far as I can see, a lot more todays.

“Today if you hear his voice do not harden your hearts, as at Meribah, as on the day at Massah in the wilderness, when your fathers put me to the test and put me to the proof, though they had seen my work.” (Psalm 95:7b-9)

That verse is my goal and constant struggle with insecurity all wrapped up in one neat package.

This historical psalm contains a lesson taken from the Israelite’s history. The combination of Meribah and Massah point to the Israelite’s grumbling against Moses because they had no water (Exodus 17:1-7). Their exact words are recorded in verse 3, “Why did you bring us up out of Egypt, to kill us and our children and our livestock with thirst?” This is AFTER the parting of the Red Sea. AFTER the Lord had began to rain manna down on them. Yup. After all that it totally makes sense that God is going to just abandon them and let them die of thirst in the desert.

In hindsight it appears ridiculous. Of course He’s not going to let them die. After all the miracles they had witnessed to bring them out of Egypt how could they have thought that something as trivial as water was going to be the end of them?

Oh, but I SO get it! How many times have I now witnessed God bless and encourage my work? And still I have the gall to throw a tantrum at His feet and accuse Him of encouraging me only to allow me to spiritually dehydrate. (See my guest post at Bronwyn’s Corner Saturday for details on how that went).

I want to see signs and wonders and be affirmed on a daily basis thank-you-very-much! I want to be equipped in ways that make sense to me. Honestly, I want Him to email me a complete plan for the rest of my life so I have a better idea of where all this effort is leading.

Instead, I am faced everyday with another ordinary today. I listen for His voice in the midst of my ordinary chaos and try to live with a softened heart; open to receive whatever may come. Seeking to quench my thirsty faith with the water of His word. Patiently (and not-so-patiently) praying and waiting to see the sum of faithful years revealed.

“Wait for the LORD; be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!”  Psalm 27:14

 

Thanks for reading, friends! Your encouragement over the past year has meant more to me than you could know. I pray the Lord draws you ever deeper into the riches of His Word!